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Yoda's Helpdesk

    What if Master Yoda worked on a computer helpdesk, would you hear things like the following when you called in...   (yes, I work on a helpdesk :-)

“That computer, strong it is with the dark side of the force” – when a user calls in with 5 or more cases per call

“There…….another…” – Yoda, (at the end of his rope) trying to explain to a user going through an upgrade, that there are different versions of windows.

“Re-boot you will, yes, hmm?”

"It takes a fully trained technician, with the force as his ally, to (insert favorite difficult computer task here.)

“Size matters not. Look at me, judge me by my size do you? And well you should not……..” – when a user calls in getting one of those out of disk space errors.

“Always two there are…” – when a user wants to know why it’s asking for his password twice.

“You are RECKLESS” – when a user complains that they lost info, and didn’t back it up

See through you we can” – when a user calls in trying to get someone else’s password reset

Help them you could, save them you might…” - to user wanting to back up data

"You must unlearn what you have learned” – to someone who has just migrated to Win95 from 3.1

“Help you I can, yes, hmm?” – greeting

“Found someone you have I would say, hmm?” –when a user says that they are looking for someone to help them with their computer problem

“I am wondering, why are you calling?” – when user says “Oh, never mind, it’s working now.”

"Mine, or I will help you not." - (apparently Yoda requires upfront payment.)

"Do, or do not, there is no try." - when a user says they'll try to follow his directions

"Concentrate!!!!!" - when user starts rambling on about another topic

"For the technician, it is time to eat as well." - when it's his lunchtime and a particularly dense user is keeping him on the phone.

"Quicker, easier, more seductive the dark side is." - commenting on using FDISK (instead of troubleshooting).

"Hear you nothing that I say." - no explanation needed

"Aw, cannot get your disk out!" - A slightly annoyed Yoda when a user gets a floppy stuck in the drive.

"Yoda, you seek Yoda!" - when a user manages to get is extension number and is calling him directly

"The dark side I sense in you." - to a PC with AOL installed on it

"Powerful you have become" - Yoda on that rare occasion when a user has actually learned something

"The Force is my ally, and a powerful ally it is." - When a user asks how he fixed a difficult problem

"Much fear I sense in you" - trying to reassure a user that nothing will break if they follow his instructions

"A technician uses the Force for knowledge and defense, Never for attack" - to himself trying to calm down after talking to someone who wouldn't follow instructions or listen at all

"Mud-hole! Slimy!, My home this is!" - replying to a user who is insulting him

"Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm" - (Some users get VERY upset when they delete their data and you can't restore it because they didn't back it up)

"Never his mind on were he was, what he was doing!" - commenting to another tech about a user who deleted a file that he needed

"Adventure, heh, excitement, heh, a computer geek craves not these things!" - Trying to explain what a computer geek does on a Saturday night

"Patience!" - to a user that keeps trying to click buttons that Yoda hasn't told him to click

"Use the Force!" - when a user asks how to have software installed that he doesn't have

user: "I'm not afraid." Yoda: "Good.....Good. You will be., you will be" - has Yoda been reading BOFH?! (disturbing this is!)

"When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not, hmm?" - Yoda trying to convey how long this call felt like it took

"The Dark Side clouds everything!" - upon seeing a bin of AOL disks at the local store

"Something terrible has happened!" - When a server goes down